I had an idea last year, when I thought we had been married for 7 years, to do a blog series offering any kind of tips and advice that I've accumulated over our years of marriage. Of course, The Husband, slightly concerned, informed me that we had actually only been married 6 years. Math is not my forte. Thankfully, you don't need a lot of it to have a happy marriage. Regardless of my math disabilities, I decided to wait until the 7th anniversary. I've heard about the "Seven Year Itch" and, ever so cautious, wanted to be sure I had the proper credentials to spew unsolicited and un-asked for advice on marriage to the Internet.
First, a little history. According to our family history, birth order, zodiac sign, and just about every Is He The One For You magazine quiz, The Husband and I are doomed to failure. Both of our families have more divorced couples than til-death-do-us-part ones, he's an oldest child and I spent my formative growing up years as an only, he's a Leo and I'm a Virgo, he's a dreamer and I'm far more practical. He's a musician and I can't even clap in beat. The one thing we have in common: He's an emotional spender and so am I!! Oh wait, that's bad. That's actually an area where you WANT the opposite- ONE of you should be a Saver. My point is, we came into our marriage KNOWING the risks. We came in KNOWING that by cultural standards and the stars, we were DOOMED. Thankfully, we are both stubborn (again, very rarely a good thing to have in common) and we set a plan before we got married. That's right- we planned for our marriage while planning the wedding. Our first discussion about marriage was after I had seen a 3 part series by Voddie Baucham on marriage. Now anyone who knows Voddie knows that when it comes to Conservative Baptist Christians, Voddie leads the pack. As two people set for failure if we continued on our dating, marriage, kids path, we needed that no-nonsense verbiage. We decided, while sitting on my couch in my living room apartment, that IF we were to get married, we both agreed, divorce would NOT be an option. We had seen our families and loved ones go through that, we knew the risks of divorce rise if you come from a divorced family and we made it clear to one another that we could not, would not, under no circumstances, get divorced. It was quite a heavy talk and gave me much to think about as we continued dating, got engaged, and prepared for our wedding day. I often had moments of panic: But what if (insert really horrible thing here) happens? I can't divorce him then? What I realized, as I went through my list of Really Horrible Things, was that I was marrying someone who simply wouldn't DO those things. Not because he's perfect and I'm naive, but because I knew his HEART. The guy has the same friends since Elementary school. He's loyal. And his friends are loyal to him because he has a good heart, even IF he's a jacka$$ now and then. (Trust me, his friends would say that.) I knew he wouldn't beat me or cheat on me. He doesn't get in physical altercations with his buddies- physical violence is not in his personality. As far as addictions like drugs and alcohol- he had so many surgeries growing up that I have to thunk the guy on the head just to get him to take a Tylenol for a headache. He worked in a treatment center, which gave him a deeper understanding of the effects of drugs and alcohol. Is he perfect? No. Not at all. I'll never forget the fight we had when I said, "If I had known before we got married that we would be right here, in this situation, I never would have married you." Oh yes. I'll get more into that one later. But the point is, as you date, WATCH the other person. Watch them with their friends. Watch them with their mother and father. My dad always said: Watch how a boy treats his mother, it's how he will eventually treat you. And he's right, which is why I sighed with relief when I saw The Husband greet his mom the first time I met her. Getting to know your boyfriend's favorite color is fun, but it's not setting you up for a successful marriage. Learning how your boyfriend handles good news and bad news, what he does in bad traffic, how he tips his waitress- those things will teach you his heart.
When The Husband and I got married, we didn't get married because we were in love, though we were. We got married because we knew God wanted us together. And we will stay together because our ultimate goal is to glorify God, and we honor Him through our marriage. So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy these blog posts. My plan is to do one a week for several weeks. I may write more often or less often. The point is to share tips I've learned along the way to a happy, successful marriage.
Our dating days. I was wearing his shirt. He thought it was cute. This is an area where he did NOT think to the future, where I choose my favorite shirt to wear to bed each night and he throws a tantrum that I "always take his shirts, get your own shirts" and I threaten to purposely put breastmilk on his shirt if he keeps yelling at me. His shirts are softer than mine, I can't help that fact. This was a REALLY long caption. Bottom line: Weren't we adorable? My skin was so smooth and his hair was so brown. ;)
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