Years later I found myself in a mom's group and heard a life changing truth: Not only was Isaac given to me as my son, but I was given to him as his mother. God chose me to be his Mother and He did so with a specific plan and purpose, only working for Good.
Isaac's always been emotional. Happy or sad, when you're with him you know exactly how he's feeling. But oftentimes, all those emotions, the good and the bad, are bigger than his little body can handle.
The last three days have been bigger than Isaac can handle. In a completely new setting with new rules, new expectations, new routines...his brain and his heart are in overdrive. A friend compared his experience to that of someone from another country who speaks a different language being put into a classroom. And that's exactly what it's like for him. He doesn't understand the language or the culture. And he's acting out in culturally non-acceptable ways- yelling out, crying, and meltdowns.
As his Mother I know he needs time. That's been the word of the week. Time. But what is time when you are a mother and you see your child struggling? You see a piece of your body walking outside of you, only now out of reach and there's nothing you can do. Time is nothing. My son is struggling and I just want to fix it because I am his Mother and making things better is my JOB. It is my LIFE.
And then I went to Faithfully Fit this morning and the theme was Warrior. We prepared our hearts and our bodies for battle during the warm-up. I did a cardio work-out for 20 seconds then read a bible verse for 10 and repeated that 4 times. We did that at 5 stations. When I read the following verse the tears immediately started to fall.
You are a soldier in MY army. My army is Powerful. My soldiers wear angel wings and worn shoes. You are merely ONE solder. This is not your battle. It is mine. The Enemy is near and he is fighting but my army is mighty and huge and we will never lose. Isaac is mine. You are not alone in this. Trust in my army. He is mine and I will send my best soldiers, including YOU.
I read that 4 times and each time new tears sprang up as I saw in my mind the soldiers fighting this with me: the faithfully fit Prayer Warriors that have been praying for him, Larry, his grandparents, Simone, Shannon, Melissa, the FB Prayer Warriors. And those are only the ones who wear shoes. I then imagined the Angels. Mighty and Powerful. I imagined what we are battling for. We are not battling for a test score or good grades. We are battling for Isaac's soul- his happy spirit. And you better believe I will fight with a mother's rage. I will wear my armor everyday and I will be on the front lines, praying over him, giving him the strategies I know, and sharing Bible verses with him. But I will give myself grace because I am not fighting alone. God made me Isaac's mother and gave me the gifts and talents I need to fulfill that role, but he did not make me perfect. He did not make me a super mom. That was never his plan, intention, or expectation of me. He didn't need to do all of that because He didn't need to. He has an ARMY.
It takes more than a village, it takes God's Army. We will always win.