Yes, yes, it's important to listen to your spouse, but that's actually not my first tip. Listen to ALL THE PEOPLE is actually what I mean. Everyone loves to gives advice on everything. Thanks to Facebook and other social media, we are slammed with pieces of advice all day long. (And yes, I'm guilty of doing some of the slamming. I'm working on it. But first, listen to my marriage advice.) The difference about marriage advice, is that I have found the majority of it to actually be helpful and applicable!
When Larry and I got married, we didn't have a list of elders we could turn to in order to ask the infamous: How have you stayed married for so long? question. He actually does have some grandparents on his side of the family who have stayed married, but there were none on mine. That doesn't mean we didn't have advice! Divorce (I've been told by divorced people) is extremely painful, whether you are happy to be divorced or not. I've heard it compared to a death and you tend to go through the same grief process. People who have been divorced don't want to see their loved ones "make the same mistake." All of the pieces of advice I have for this blog series came from other people- some married, some divorced, some single. But all of the people have loved us and none of them want to see us divorced. Think about the important people in your life- if they are married, ask them for their favorite pieces of advice on marriage. If they are divorced, find out why they got divorced and more importantly, how do they intend to prevent that same thing from happening in the future? Go ahead and apply the prevention tip now before it becomes an issue.
Tip 2: Pray, pray, pray
Have you ever heard the phrase: The couple who prays together stays together? Well it's actually true. My pastor, Andy Stanley, recently did a message on this. He reported that the divorce rate among couples who pray together is about 1 in 10,000. Around the time of that sermon I saw something somewhere (which is very reliable, I know) about a couple and they would randomly pray together. As soon as something came up and they had an important discussion about to take place or they were in a fight, they would simply stop and pray. You can imagine the results. In my opinion, praying with your spouse is not just about asking God for help in a time of need, though that is important. When you pray, you you are reminding your spouse and yourself that you are working toward something much greater than yourselves. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in our own selfish desires. But when you stop and pray, it really can help clear your head and focus you.
Larry and I were terrible about praying together in the beginning. I was very shy about praying and always asked him to do it. I began to loosen up and become more comfortable, but I still wouldn't say we prayed together often. Today we don't pray together as often as I would like. I still want us to do a daily devotion together. But we are definitely praying together more often.
Not too long ago, Larry and I were in a fight. It snuck up on us. We weren't mad at each other, but a discussion revealed that we stood on different sides of a very important issue. We stayed calm and simply talked, but eventually, hurtful things were said. I walked away for a bit, then came back and said, "I have three things to say and then I'm done with this conversation." Blah blah blah I said my 3 things and Larry didn't say a word. I'll admit, though I don't remember what I said, I do recall the feeling I had after I finished talking. I felt awful. I knew I was manipulative in some of the things I said. He looked at me and said, "OK. You said your 3 things. Now you have to listen to me." My heart sank. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. I didn't want him to hurt me the way I was sure I had just hurt him. I found myself thinking, "Please, just say you love me. Say you love me even though I was just ugly toward you." He didn't say he loved me. Instead he looked at me and said, "We need to pray." Can we all just agree, Husband of the Year goes to the husband?? I breathed a sigh of relief and we prayed. Praying together did not make our issue go away, but it did remind us that this issue, the one we were so stubbornly fighting over, was not the Most Important Thing. Honoring God, following HIS will for our lives, was and IS the most important thing.
So, pray together. I recommend daily and as often as you can. I'm still working on that, but I can attest that our marriage is always stronger and better after we pray together. The issues aren't gone, but we are fighting together, as team, against those issues, rather than allowing the issues to tear us apart.
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| The husband praying for me during my labor with Katie. This will always be one of my favorite moments of her labor. Nothing says "I love you" like your spouse asking God to help you and care for you and your unborn child. |
http://drstoop.com/the-couple-that-prays-together/
http://thegospelcoalition.org/article/factchecker-divorce-rate-among-christians/
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