I started attending Northpoint in late 2005, six years after I left the church I grew up in and declared myself an Agnostic. My husband and I were married in 2007 and we sporadically attended together until our first son was born in 2008. We slowly became more and more consistent in our attendance. After our second son was born in 2009, I suffered with postpartum depression. It was also the first time I truly saw God in church. It was difficult for me to get out of bed those days. The idea of getting out of bed to get two small children ready for church that was 45 minutes away was less than appealing. As a result, we were often a few minutes late. I'll never forget the usher who took us to our seats. Actually, I'll never forget his boots. I looked down at the ground, embarrassed, and followed him as he showed us to our seats. He removed the Reserved signs and waved his arm for us to sit, as though we were royalty, deserving of front row seats in a crowded church. He did not know why we were late. He did not know how my heart hurt and the crushing guilt I felt. He did not berate us for being late or tell us to find our own seats. He made eye contact, held up 2 fingers, then waved us to follow him to what felt like the best seats in the house. He seated us that way several weeks. The front row, with my hearing disability, was always my most coveted place to sit. And he took us there week after week, with no judgement, even though I didn't deserve it. In 2010 we began attending Watermarke. I became an usher in a small attempt to give back the love that was given to me by a man who did not know my name, but had seats reserved just for me and my hurting soul.
In our years at Northpoint we have been in 3 Community Groups that have shaped us, supported us, and loved us. They were our Angels in our times of need. At the end of our second Community Group we debated whether or not to join another group. We felt it was time to lead, but knew we could not lead yet. Our fourth child was due soon, our schedules were very busy, and we considered taking a break from the weekly commitment. We attended GroupLink just in case. We figured if God had the perfect group for us, we would join. Otherwise, we would take it as a sign to take a season off. It was not God's plan for us to take a break and we found the perfect group. God knew a time was coming that we would need our small group in ways we would never anticipate.
In May our fourth child was born, whole and perfect. In August my mother passed away unexpectedly, followed by a miscarriage in September, and the unexpected deaths of my husband's grandmother and sister on the same day on November 6.
Our small groups, past and present, rallied together and have held us up in this season of grief. They have shown us what it means to Love the way Christ loves. They have celebrated with us, prayed for us, checked our mail, fed us, and babysat for us so we could have a date night. The group we serve with has prayed for us. A beautiful wreath hangs in our home along with cards of love and support.
I am eternally grateful to belong to a church that makes it impossible for me to question God's goodness during this time. I do not know if our struggles are over; I do not know if we are entering a time of healing, or a time of preparation for more to come. But I do know one thing: We are not in it alone. God's love is bigger than my grief. I know this because the arms holding us up are many. God has blessed us abundantly and we are grateful for each and every one of you.
Thank you for your support, your prayers, your hugs, your cards, your service, your time, your calls, your emails, your Facebook messages, your texts, your love. Thank you for proving to us that there is a God, he is big, and he is good.
Grateful,
Jenny
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