On the Ark

I had a thought the other day. I think it came to me while I was crying in the parking lot while my kids acted like... well, like 4 kids ages 5 and under. 

Everything worth doing is hard work. So why do we hope for parenting to be easy? I'm in the thick of it right now and everyday is hard. I wake up and my body is still sore from the day before. Everyday is filled with worry and concern and question. I'm constantly on alert that each child is getting attention, feeling loved, and at the same time is not falling down the stairs or shattering a glass. We're learning manners, our numbers, how to cook and how to talk. It's a whirlwind. When I posted my Noah's ark post awhile back, I wrote it knowing I was going to stay home, but not at a point yet to make it public. I assumed our flood would be financial. I expected some hard times to come. I did not anticipate that our finances would be the easiest part of the transition. 

The reality is, the hardest part is emotional. It's realizing that 4 kids is a lot of freaking kids. I was fine with 3, but now I have 4 and all of a sudden I'm finding myself stuck on an ark with a lot of poop and not a lot of space. I'm sticking my head out the window asking God if the rain has stopped yet. Usually that moment is followed by a child crying while Katie begins to close her eyes on my chest- the worst possible time to move. Larry and I got into a fight the other night as married couples stuck on an ark tend to do and my first thought was, "I can't be stubborn about this. I have to open my heart and listen to him because he's my only hope for survival. If we don't lean into each other, we won't make it." I was joking the other day that 4 kids is marriage security for us. Neither of us are willing to give up time with our kids, but you better believe neither of us are going to let the other move out either! We are finding time to go on MORE dates than ever before because again, we must stand united! 

The days are filled with moments of laughter, but to be honest, most of the days are spent going, "WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" It's really really tough. However, I'm not sure why I find myself wanting to HIDE that fact. I think it's because I'm scared one of the following statements will come from the other side: 
You asked for this. 
Don't have kids if you don't want them. 
Enjoy this time, it goes too quickly. 
So many people have a hard time having even ONE kid. You shouldn't complain about the 4 you have. 
That's why I don't want kids. 

The problem with any of those statements is that they all assume I'm miserable and that I don't love my kids. The reality is, THIS IS HARD, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it! The way I see it, I'm in the training days of a marathon. The days will be long. I will sweat, I will want to quit, and I will probably curse some. But at the end of the day I will not regret this life. I may regret some of my choices I made and I may be glad to see the day gone, but I will praise God for a new day to follow. It doesn't matter what kind of day we've had, I always find myself checking on everyone when I go to sleep to make sure their chests are still moving. 

Right now I'm on an ark. There are times when I'm sure Noah wondered if he would ever get off the ark. There are days that I wonder the same thing. But Noah received promises and reminders along the way. The rains did stop. The dove brought back a leaf. Eventually, the dove did not return and finally, one glorious day, he opened the doors to dry land. Last week I had dinner with a friend who gave me a leaf. Her four children are all old enough now that they are out of diapers. It's true. I met another woman with the kindest eyes ever who told me I reminded her of herself in her early years. She's the mom of 12, none of whom are my kids' ages now. You know what her leaf was? She was standing. She was speaking in complete, coherent sentences and she said to me, with a smile on her lips, "I know you're very busy right now." That was all. She didn't make me feel guilty for not enjoying every moment. She didn't ask me if I was crazy. She just stated a very simple fact and with that, I felt a sense of normalcy for one split second! It was wonderful! 

God is bringing me leaves through friendships and people He's put into my life right now and I am so grateful for the leaves. I'm grateful for the calm moments we have. And everyday I get a little stronger. I feel a little more confident. Everyday I grow stronger in my relationships with Christ, with my husband, and with my children. Everything worth doing is hard work. Raising four children is work like I've never understood the word, but it's absolutely worth it.