This has been our prayer for the last year. Over the summer Larry told me it was time that I start looking for a new job. I said no. Because no. I wanted to work until the kids were all in school, then I wanted to quit working and only homeschool. So no. A different job was not on my radar.
Then I started to feel the uncomfortable itch of a life that no longer fits. I was stressed out and realized life was changing and pushing me in a direction I had no interest in going.
So I said no again.
I grew bitter toward Larry. Bitter that he was able to have more years with the kids at home than I would get. Bitter that he was right. Bitter that I wasn't better at doing it all.
I found myself standing in the middle of the kitchen crying because this wasn't working anymore and I was bitter.
My job continued to make more and more changes and I found myself reaching a point of acceptance. Accepting that this dream job I had was no longer the dream job I had signed up for. Larry continued to push me to look for something else and I slowly started to look. But I was still bitter. I hadn't told him how I really felt until one day I asked him for some of his fries and he said, "I'll give you fries if you stop telling people it's my fault that you are looking for a new job." I didn't take any fries. (Because we're grown ups with the heart of toddlers sometimes.) We had it out. I finally told him how mad I was. That this was not what I thought was going to happen. And he said, "I'm going to stop telling you how to feel because you don't ever seem to respond well to that. Instead, I'll tell you my own story. I had a dream job too. But I realized that it's not enough to support my family. So I had to make a choice: my dream job or my family? I choose my family. What are you going to choose?"
And just like that the bitterness floated away. Because he was right. It was ultimately my choice. I could choose my dream job or I could choose my family. When it was phrased like that, the choice was easy.
The next week I was called in for an interview. I was excited, but mostly scared and very apprehensive. So I prayed to God, "Lord, if a change in jobs is what YOU want, I need you to change my HEART. I need you to make me enter this with joy because I can't be miserable for my family."
He answered my prayer within moments. I could suddenly see all the positives. I wrote Matthew 5:6 on my interview paperwork: "Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires, God will satisfy them fully." I put my faith in God that he would grant me the desire to do his will.
The day I took the boys to visit their new schools was a spiritual experience for me. I was smiling the entire time and when I walked out I told Larry, "This is exactly where we are supposed to be right now. I don't know why or what God has in store for us, but I know that I know that I know that this is right."
I'm incredibly scared for tomorrow to come, I won't lie. It's not a lack of faith because I know God will walk every step with each of us. I know that he will satisfy us fully. It's more about saying goodbye to the last 8 years. It's recognizing that our season of life with little ones is gone. A new season is beginning and God will bless us through it and we will love it, I'm sure. But man, we sure did love this one. We will always be grateful that we followed God's will to stay home for as long as we did. And we will continue to follow Him. Because his plans are always bigger and better than our own- and that's always something to thank God for :) <3 nbsp="" p="">
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