Happy Birthday, Grayson

Has it really been a year? I can still remember the feel of the goosebumps on my skin the moment I realized that this was it. He was coming soon. I can still hear the songs in the background. He loves us. Oh how He loves us. I can still smell the candle I picked out special for the birth. The pretty flowers on the side brought beauty to the room and the sweet, deep scent of the orange blossoms filled me. I can still taste the grapes and chicken salad sandwiches that my husband brought up to me after Grayson was born. I can still see the sunlight streaming through my bedroom windows.

So many things to remember.

The sharp shooting pain that I tried to talk through as I took a shower at 6:15 AM, preparing to go to work.
The hope doubt faith fear when I told Larry this might be it.
The waiting. The timing. The shooting pains.
The relief of the birthing ball as I curved my body around it. Hugging it. Squeezing the towel in my hands as I waited for the pain to subside.
The visuals of riding on a wave as I counted through the contraction. Hitting the top of the wave as the contraction reached it's point. Counting backward as it subsided.
Then the visuals of Jesus carrying me over the wave when I couldn't do it by myself anymore.
Singing to my son. I love you. Oh how I love you.
The relief when everyone came.
Deciding I would have my baby by noon.
The warmth and comfort of the heated washcloth on my abdomen.
The moment I knew I would have gotten the epidural if I had the chance.
Standing against Larry, gripping him, wanting to fall as he held me up.
The moment of relief that felt like hours that was really only seconds when I first got into the water.
The pushing.
Screaming I don't want to do this anymore only to later watch the birth video and hear my barely audible whisper.
Pushing pushing pushing.
The moment I knew he was big.
Looking at my belly and knowing there was NO WAY he was coming out. The videos, the books, the women before me, they were all wrong. 
His head coming out.
The peace and relief when I was told to stand up. Finally, something will happen. This is good.
The feel of his solid body as I grabbed him and sank back down into the pool.
Waiting for his cry.
Begging him to cry.
The peace in knowing it would come.
The sound of his loud, angry, beautiful cry. My first smile.
The cramps and fear that I was having another baby and the relief that it was just the placenta.
The beautiful thick blue healthy cord.
Lying in my bed with my family.
Seeing Isaac and Jared as big brothers for the first time.
Grayson's peacefulness during the newborn exam.
Hearing the verdict: 10 pounds, 8 ounces. What...???
Sitting with my mom hearing her perspective on the birth. 
Nursing. Knowing this was going to work this time. 
Forcing myself to go to sleep at 2AM.
Larry helping me in and out of the bed while my stitches and bruise healed.
Snuggling snuggling snuggling.

I can't believe it's been a year when the memories are still so vivid. And yet, so much as happened.

He's gained 15 pounds and 8 teeth in a year. He rolled, crawled, cruised and walked. He started crawling up stairs, but refuses to come down. He nursed an entire year, allowing me to finally reach my goal. He does motions to Itsy Bitsy Spider and knows what Nose is. He says Mama and throws a ball. He loves his family. He eats everything we give him. He's made us smile every day of his year of life. I thank God for his birth. I thank God for his life. I thank God for this year and pray he continues to watch over Grayson and to guide us as his parents.  

Happy Birthday, Grayson. We love you!