When we tell people we are expecting our second, they typically look at Isaac, then us, and say something like, "Was this planned?" It makes me laugh because I know what is really on their mind: "Please tell me what birth control you are on so I can make sure I'm on something different!" There is almost a panic in people sometimes. Of course, our answer is usually more shocking when we tell them, "Kind of, we don't use birth control."
It's always an awkward moment for me. Is that the right answer? It's the quickest to explain how we got where we are, but still, it's so much more than that.
So, for those of you scratching your heads at why in the world we would do this, here's the background!
When Larry and I had been dating a few months I went to church by myself and heard a series on marriage and children by Voddie Bauchman. He was a guest speaker and is phenomenal. That afternoon Larry and I were working on our puzzle and ended up having our first big marriage talk. (I was SO scared!!) It ended up being a really good discussion that ended up being the first of many.
After we had been married for about 2 months I told Larry my birth control was about to be out and I would need to either renew the prescription... or not. I did not want to be on birth control anymore. I don't like the idea of taking daily hormones. It just bothers me. I didn't necessarily want a baby right then, so it was very conflicting. I had been wanting Larry to watch the series online that I had seen when we were dating, because it really did affect who I was as a wife and there was a section about children. So we sat together and watched it. It made a big impact on our decision, but it was not the only factor.
We had been going through the 12 week Dave Ramsey program and getting out of debt. The question of "when" came up. Do we wait 5 years until we are out of debt? That would be ideal, but we knew we didn't want to wait 5 years. However, we couldn't decide on when. We also could not decide on how many. One? Two? Seven? Neither of us had a number.
We started talking about how we have let God control every aspect of our lives: money, our marriage, our jobs, etc. Why not let Him control our children? He is the only one who actually knows how many we will have anyway, why not trust Him? So we did. I finished the birth control and a couple of months later we found out about Isaac.
Some days it is frightening. For both of us. But when we first saw the little blob that would become Isaac, and when we held him, we knew we made the right decision. We cannot imagine our lives right now without our beautiful, wonderful son. And to know that he is truly a gift from God... it's indescribable.
When I gave birth to Isaac the very first thought I had when I saw his little head was, "Oh my God, I'm totally doing this again." That is not a typical thought :) And when I found out I was pregnant again, I knew it would not be the last time I would make that discovery.
I know that the decision Larry and I made was strange. We know that people worry about us financially. But we know that God is going to take care of us. Not a month has a gone by where we were not able to tithe or pay our bills. Every time we feel like we might be getting close, God blesses us. I know that Larry is the man God had in mind for me because who else would be on the same page as me with being so clueless about children?? :)
So, there it is. The reason behind what some would call our insanity :) I could probably write a book about our decision. There are a lot of little details I did not include here. But at least there is more than "We don't use birth control." We never regret our decision and to be quite honest, it's rather freeing. I don't have to worry about the perfect number. I don't have to worry about when. I just get to enjoy the blessings God gives to us!
Marriage By Design by Voddie Bauchman:
1 comment:
I am so proud of both of you. It takes real characher to make that type of decision. Trusting the Lord. I am so glad I am part of your family. Ben
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